I've had a problem for a very long time that I was unable to resolve. Whenever an animal is in my care I would get hyper-emotional and hyper-fearful that I may fail my responsibility to keep them alive. The roots of this feel deep... so deep that I suspect it goes back to before childhood and into a past life. I suspect that many animals died due to my negligence in a time long, long ago, and I've carried that guilt with me for eons. So leave it to a stray cat to show up on my doorstep with her medicine of helplessness to assist me in letting go and healing once and for all.
Perhaps my work with the Shift Membership called her in. The energies have been powerful, with April's theme being about acceptance and responsibility. Perhaps she just spotted a safe looking home and came our way. I'll never know. But she showed up a week before the full moon and stayed just long enough to allow me to play out my inner drama one more time.
My husband put his foot down so there would be no room to waiver. The cat could not stay. But in the meantime, we fed her. We gave her a warm place in the garage to sleep in hopes that we could find her owners or a new home without sending her to the shelter.
The prospect of sending her to the shelter triggered me... scenes in my head of her being depressed in a cage, biding her time, with me hoping against hope that she would be adopted before her time was up. I couldn't take the prospect of another animal dying because of my actions.
But I was between a rock and a hard place. Rationally, I knew that we weren't equipped to give her a good home. Logically, I knew that her best bet would be to go to the shelter and take her chances on a forever home. She wasn't microchipped, so we assumed she didn't have a family.
***spoiler alert*** Little did I know that she had a family who was just as distraught as me because she was missing. But had I known too soon, this precious little creature wouldn't have been able to deliver her medicine.
As the drama played out, I worried, I fretted, I cried to my husband, and I (who can normally keep a cool head) broke down and cried on the phone to animal control. I cried so much that my number was passed to the manager of the shelter for counseling and guidance. And finally, on the weekend of the full moon, I surrendered. My rational mind finally stepped in and reminded me that I am not God. I couldn't control what would happen to this little creature when I surrendered her to the shelter, but I could take guided action that would make a difference.
That's when I calmly listened and discovered the options available that I hadn't been able to see. I prayed, because prayer works. I invoked God, the nature spirits, St. Francis, and St. Gertrude (the patron saint of cats). I stated my need and thanked them in advance for taking over the case. Then I made one last post on Facebook about the cat and it's need for a home. I asked the locals to share. Then I went about my business.
The next day, after a particularly powerful and aligning call with Tammy Mack and Marla Mac in the Build Your Biz by Design Club, I got a message from a friend. She had shared my Facebook post and one of her friends recognized her cat. She needed my phone number so she could contact me to bring her home!
The relief and healing washed over me as I realized that the miracle of surrender and Facebook found this little creature's family. She was with me just long enough to get the lesson that I alone cannot save an animal. But when I surrender, trust the process, and let nature take it's course, the best outcome is truly possible.
I no longer feel the deep lifetimes of grief and anguish that I felt before. I actually had no idea of how much I was carrying until it was lifted off of me. My heart is lighter. I feel freer. And it's all because of a little cat who wandered 8 miles from it's home and found itself on our porch.